Someone asked me just this week to show them how to budget their money. I met with them for lunch and took my purple notebook which dates from February of 1990 until September of 1994. This blog is the story of my purple notebook. I keep it around now just to remind me of how hard our life was then and how far we have come now. The notebook has become an ebenezer moment of time in my life.

In the next few paragraphs I will explain to you how the purple notebook worked. Many people have heard of the cash in the envelope budget method. Basically, you total up all of your bills and make a separate envelope for each item and then you put the cash in the envelope to cover that bill when it comes due. I know of several people that use this method but for me I felt like that method would be unsafe to have that much cash laying around in our home.

Instead I came up with the notebook method. I started out by adding up all sources of income for us and using that as my beginning total. in February of 1990 all of our monthly income added up to 2,098.62. I would then take all of our bills and make a page for each bill. When I started out some of my bills were exactly the same each month but some of them were estimates and I just had to guess at them. Anything that was left over became my miscellaneous page. The way the system worked was that you could never spend over 2098.62 per month but if you ended up short on one page then you could borrow from another category as long as that page had an excess. Every night Mark, myself, and our 4 kids had to report to me any and all amounts that they had spent on that day. It was a lot and it took a lot of my time! After a few months had passed the budget became easier and we all adjusted and was aware of what it took for us as a family to survive.

As you can see above it didn’t take me long to realize that I was wasting paper in my notebook and I put the known amounts all on one page to save time. Above on our van payment you can see that I paid an extension fee that month as we were so broke that I was trying to free up some extra cash. Also, above you can see that I ended up having an overestimate for Pioneer Credit and for lunch money that month and those small amounts were moved over to the miscellaneous page which was our recreation and fun page and any extras that might pop up. Also, above you will notice on JC Penney that I did not pay the credit card balance but only paid 15.00 which got me into some debt trouble later with that and other credit cards that I owned. Not paying in full on a credit card is not a good financial move.

Before I go on and show you the last page in my notebook I want to tell you some things about our life at this period of time. Our 4 kids could have eaten free or reduced lunches all of their entire school years but we did not want to embarrass them in any way. Also, there was a day in our everyday life that we ran completely out of bars of soap and no money to buy even a bar of soap. I was very distraught and cried and prayed all morning that day. When the mailman came that same day he put an advertisement bar of soap in our mailbox. The brand was Irish Spring and I will remember that soap and my rejoicing as long as I live! It was one of the happiest days of my life because I knew that God cared about me and my little family!

I used to bake and decorate birthday cakes for people during this time, I sewed Cabbage Patch doll clothes and sold at the Needle Nook on the square in Livingston. Me and our twins bid on the cleaning job at our church and got paid 25.00 per week to clean the church. Danny and Mark bid on the mowing at our church and I think got 40.00 per week to mow. Danny worked at DQ in Livingston and then on to Save-a-lot, Rachel and Melinda started out babysitting and then on to the donut shop on church street and later to a nursing home in Algood. Matt worked at DQ and later McDonald’s. Our kids pulled the load just like we did and they knew all about our problems.

On the ball bus after games when Rachel and Melinda played on the high school team, Coach Looper would always stop after away games at some dairy bar or snack shop. Rachel and Melinda and two other girls would always stay on the bus and say that they weren’t hungry. Coach Looper eventually figured out what was going on and one night said to the four of them, ” you girls don’t have any money, do you?”.

I could go on and on but I will stop here. You all get the gist of it all.

Above is the last page recorded in my notebook( September 1994). There were hard times after that but not as severe. I have never forgotten those days of the purple notebook and it has affected me continually the rest of my days. I have used these hard years in my life to notice and help people in my path each and every time the knowledge becomes known to me. Some people think I am a little nuts I guess but they haven’t lived through what I have lived through. God has been so faithful to me all of my life and I just want to share this to let you know if you are in dire straits that He can help you too. Share your gifts, your knowledge and your kindness! Don’t look back and say, “We made it” and then begin to hoard up everything you get from then on out! God doesn’t expect that from us.

Years ago when we bought our first home we had plans to only have 2 kids and stay in that starter home for 5 years. 8 years later we were still in that house and had 4 children and were bursting at the seams for lack of room.

We began to look for a bigger house. Mark and I were both raised on Upper Hilham road so of course we started our home search on that road. We ended up finding a home that we really liked but it was a repo home and the bank where I worked was the owner of it so we got turned down on buying that home as it would be unethical for an employee of said bank to buy a home that the bank had repossessed so our search continued.

We had started attending a church on Oak Hill road so we started looking for a home on the south side of our county more towards our church. We soon found a home that we really liked and we went to look over the land. Our first view of this property was in the early spring and the real estate lady walked us over the 7.4 acres and the whole back border of the property was a river. Right out from the back of the house was a sloping hillside and an overlook down to the level flat bottom land below and then the river. The first look I had of that bottom land was that it was full of yellow buttercups.

In my spirit that day as I looked over that bottom land that was bloomed out in gorgeous yellow buttercups, God spoke to me and told me that all of this would be mine someday. I said back in my spirit, “There is no way!” The price for all the property and the house was 69,900.00 which in that period of our life was way out of our price range. We loved it and the real estate lady knew that I especially loved it but we had to tell her no that we just couldn’t afford it.

I kept praying and we kept searching but nothing else was opening up for us. We had certain stipulations and they were:

1. Had to be outside the city limits but still close to town
2. Had to be in the community of our church
3. Had to have water and some trees as we wanted our kids to grow up like we had
4. Had to have enough acreage so that if one or all of our kids needed a small plot to put a trailer on or something that there would be room

About 6 months passed and we had looked and looked at houses and land and then one day our real estate lady called me. She asked if we were still looking and I said that we were but nothing was turning up. She told me that the house on Okalona was still available and that the lady had reduced the price. We went back and looked through the house once again and walked the property. At this visit we offered the lady 55,000.00 for the place and she turned us down. I was so broken hearted. We kept looking and once again nothing was opening up for us. I kept praying and praying and asking God to help us.

About 3 more months passed by and the real estate lady called us again. This time she had even more exciting news! The house and land that we loved was going up for auction as the lady that owned it had lost her husband to cancer and she wanted to move back to her home town and really needed to sell it. In the meantime my husband, Mark, had applied and was about to get a better paying job. Things were beginning to fall into place but our time was limited and if we were going to do this thing then we would have to move quickly.

We went before the bank officials where I worked and told them the situation. The little house that we were living in at present we still owed money on. The officials told us that we could bid on the new place but only up to 50,000.00 and not a penny more. If we got the bid then we had to auction off our present home in 30 days and for a short period of time they would let us owe for 2 houses and just pay the interest until our VA loan went through on the new place.

I had never attended an auction in my entire life and the day of the auction my husband was required to be at the factory at the same time to take a speed test as he was in the final stages of getting approved for his new job. I asked my cousin that was a lawyer to go with me to the auction and do the bidding for me as I didn’t know what to do.

The day of the auction the auctioneer started with the household items first. I had already told Mark that I really wanted a porch swing on this porch as I love swings and have lots of good memories at grandma’s house swinging in her swing. I also wanted a wood stove as the house had electric heat but also a chimney and a place in the basement for a wood stove.

I was able to buy the home’s swing at auction that day for 10.00 and the wood stove that had already been here for 40.00.

When the bidding on the house started I was standing so stiff and tall and looked like a statue! The bidding was going up and up but when my cousin got to 48,000.00 the bidding stopped and at first I didn’t realize that we got the place. Soon the realization soaked in and I began sobbing uncontrollably and the lady that owned the house was standing on the front porch and was leaning against one of the porch posts and I went over to her and thanked her and was a blubbering mess of emotions and still just crying my eyes out, she must have thought me nuts.

Within 30 days we had to be out of our old house and an auction had to take place. We staged our old house with all of our best furniture and lamps and moved all of our junkier stuff out here and Mark and I and our kids slept on the dining room floor. It was some of the happiest times of our young family’s life.

The auction of our old home took place 2 days before Christmas in 1985 and only 2 families showed up but one off those families bought our home. We had paid 21,000.00 for the place and it sold for 30,000.00 that day. We were thankful.

Matt, our youngest of 4, was only 2 years old when we moved here. We were completely moved in here by December 28, 1985 and Matt celebrated his 3rd birthday here on 12-31-85.

We built decks later and this particular swing sits diagonal for a reason as it views the Poston mountains on the other side of the river behind us. I love the Smoky Mountains and our view is spectacular just like being in the Smokies!

Every prayer I ever uttered in looking for a home is answered in this house and this land. I know without a doubt that God gave us this place just like He told me in my spirit that He would years ago.

I praise Him and I thank Him always!

Yesterday in traveling to my uncle’s funeral, I had turned on our local 9.20 AM WLIV radio station in my car as I love to listen to the country oldies on this station, Just a few minutes later an ad came on from Cookeville, Tennessee and it featured the voice of Drue Huffines.

That voice on the radio took me right back to my childhood days. I had already been thinking all week about how I grew up and about my uncle that just died and about my Daddy’s family.

In all of my growing up years there were two men’s voices that were staples in our home. The two men were Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward. Our local radio station used to come on the air super early in the morning. I am not sure of the exact time that it came on but just know that it was always blasting through the house when I got up.

The radio station had a segment called birthdays and anniversaries where you could call in and request a special song to be played for your loved ones or you just give their names and whatever song was played was their honorary song that morning too.

Every single year on my birthday morning, my Grandmother Hodges would call me bright and early and tell me to listen to my special birthday song on the radio. The first year after my grandmother died I remember being super sad that I would no longer hear her voice wishing me a happy birthday.

Another new segment on the radio that came later was a program sponsored by Winningham Hardware called, ” I’ve got your number.” A random household would be called and the person on the line would be asked a trivia question and if they got it right they would win the cash jackpot. Each unanswered question caused the jackpot to be more each time. The answer to the trivia question was posted each week in the hardware store. Shoppers were encouraged to come in and get the answer to the question and shop while they were in there. My uncle, James Hodges, was the very first person to be called on “I’ve got your number”

WLIV also had a live gospel singing segment every Sunday afternoon. My husband’s Dad, Mom, and brother Joel sang in a gospel group called “The Poston Family” and they would sing on the radio a lot on Sunday afternoon’s. Below is a video of one of their records:

Funny how you remember all of these things!

Before HIPAA and all of that, at midday on the radio you could hear who all was admitted to the hospital and who was discharged. Baby announcements and deaths were even on there too. Another program was the swap shop and you could call and list items or call the number on the advertised items and purchase things. Community events were announced on that radio station too.

The voices of Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward filled all of our homes and we felt like they were members of our own families.

When my husband went to Iraq at 50+ years after being activated with the Tennessee National Guard, someone mailed over a cassette tape of the swap shop. One day he was playing the cassette in the bunker when some of the guys walked in from a completed mission. When those guys heard the swap shop blasting throughout the bunker their eyes got big and they said, “How are you picking that up?”. My husband jokingly said by way of satellite. He said they all paused in their tracks and just listened. It was a real comfort to hear home.

I will always associate the voices of Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward with precious memories in my life and I just wanted to share a little bit of my thoughts on a very tender day in my life in driving to my uncles funeral.

(WLIV first aired on November the 26th of 1956 which was the year I was born!)

Psalm 34:18 KJV

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit

I have several very dear friends and family members right now that are grieving so hard. Their tears are falling every single day! The above analogy is something that helped me so much when my son died and I share with others when I am asked to speak somewhere. I have even made bookmarks out of this analogy and handed out in groups. I don’t know where this analogy originated with me or know how I was given it. I just know that it came to me in a time in my life when I was desperate for help.

Grief never really stops. At first it is just like the above picture, the ball in the box is huge and you can’t even move without it bumping and hitting your pain button. A person can barely breathe during this time without hurting.

Over time the ball does get smaller but it never actually goes away but just is small enough that it bumps your pain button less and less.

My son died in 2013 and I still have days when out of the blue I will just smell a smell or hear another’s country sounding voice or see a redneck truck drive by with an American flag attached and my eyes will fill up with tears. I cannot control it or even know when it is going to happen. Most times at Christmas I will be in my kitchen cooking and blasting Christmas music. An old familiar carol will come on the Echo device and instantly it takes me back to years ago and a memory I made with my son. I will stop and have a good cry and then I will continue cooking.

My advice I give to you from my own hurts is to lean into God with all of your might. Grief has no time table or time limit. Everyone griefs differently and at a different pace. Don’t feel judged if it has been a very long time and you are still grieving.

What I do to help with grief is to search out people that are hurting in any form or fashion and step into their lives and give them a hand up, whether it be financial, a physical presence, a shoulder to cry on, or to just sit quietly and let them know that you care. In doing all of these things it will strengthen and help you just as much as them.

Another thing I do is try and rest properly, eat right, exercise, and attend my church. All of these things will sustain you in your darkest hours.

Just know my dear friends and family that I love you, pray for you and in time will see you smile again and know that God has carried you through this dark valley of Grief!

Yesterday was Mother’s Day 2021. I decided last week to take my own mother out on Thursday and spend the entire day with her and take her to all of her favorite places and to beat the crowds and also enjoy the warmest day predicted for the week.

I picked her up around 8:30am as storms were predicted later in the afternoon and we planned on getting back home before the weather changed. It was a beautiful, sunshiny day and the first place that we headed was to a garden center in Cookeville about 18 miles from our homes. We looked at everything there and loaded up on garden veggies and a few flowers. The 2 things that I was personally looking for was red onion sets and a burro tail succulent. I found the red onion sets there and also an eggplant but no burro tail.

We left the garden center and headed on to a sandwich place which we both love and we split a meal there. It was a little early for lunch but Mom had not eaten breakfast and I had eaten very early and was starting to get a headache which I do sometimes if stormy weather is moving into our area. We finished up our meal and headed out to the makeup store. Mom was out of everything! The store was huge but the very first girl that waited on us was amazing! She knew where all the good stuff was and the right colors and the brands that we loved. She made shopping there such a joy and we couldn’t have done all of that without her. Plus everything in the store is guaranteed even if you use out of the bottles and decide you don’t care for the product you can return it all. This was such a blessing especially with us older folks that don’t wear so much makeup and are not up on all the products like the younger girls are. We had so much fun!

Next we went to the new soap making store that I had heard so much about and that was another joy in itself. So many colors and smells to choose from. We made a purchase there and stopped to deliver a Mother’s Day gift to someone and then we headed back to Livingston.

We traveled up the road here to another garden center and looked around for another long while. Mom found some more goodies and I was still in search of that burro tail succulent but they were not at that garden center either.

I had had a burro tail on my front porch last year and I fell in love with the little plant. It grew and grew and as you can see in the picture above it makes a very special looking plant. When I brought the plant in for the winter I accidentally killed it by giving it too much water before we left on vacation and by the time we got back it was dead. I was heartbroken!

I have led up to what happened at church yesterday. A couple in our church buy all the mothers a little gift on Mother’s Day ever since both of their own mothers have passed away and give each of us a gift in memory of their mothers. The lady spoke up yesterday and said that she was unable to find the gifts that she meant to give us so she settled for these little individual cups of little succulent plants. My heart skipped a beat in my chest at just the thought of looking over those little succulents! We were told to come up after church and pick out the little succulent that we wanted and that there was plenty there for everyone.

By the time church was over I made a bee line to adjust the thermostats and blow out the candles and turn off the light over the pulpit. By the time I got around to remembering to get my little succulent, the plants had all been picked over. There were large plants and teeny tiny plants and all were different varieties of succulents. In the back row I spotted a tiny pot and inside low and behold was a burro tail succulent! I could have cried with joy! I snatched it up and smiled as if I had won the grand prize! No one but me and God knew what was going on!

Here is my little plant:

If you don’t think that God cares about our little everyday desires then you got another think coming. I haven’t written a lot lately as my plate is so full and words don’t come easy to a soul that is always buzzing around. I have always been a Martha personality and that is one of my greatest assets but also one of my greatest downfalls. Thus for this reason is the Title of my blog …….Peace Be Still by Anna

I have to remind myself all the time to settle down, be still, stay calm, and let God work in my life!

Here is what I learned yesterday after the lesson of the little succulent:

I do delight in my Lord but I fail Him all the time. Evidently He loves me anyway!

I pray that ” Just a Little Succulent” causes you to smile today as it did me yesterday!

Mark is down in his back this morning and even though it is the anniversary day of our son dying I decided to pet him a little bit and make some homemade biscuits for breakfast. As I was mixing up the flour and the Crisco and cutting the Crisco in I turned to the refrigerator and grabbed a half gallon of milk. I went right over to my bowl and poured in the exact amount of milk without even measuring. This blog just hit me right then like a brick. I knew exactly how much milk to pour in because I have made homemade biscuits all of my life!

Our son has been dead 8 years today, January the 8th. Where others cry and mourn I just thank God this morning for giving me my dear son, for letting me be his Mom and loaning him to me for 37 years. Yes, I have both good and bad memories but I choose to praise God in this greatest storm of my life and to find JOY in the few short years that I had with Danny.

God never fails us or leaves our side if we commit to him and turn our hearts over to him. We have Him always in our world to help us with each and every thing and just do what we know to do and He will do the rest. I can’t stress enough how we need to Praise our God in our storms and give Him our all. The rest will work out according to His plan. Try your best to not be negative and look for the silver lining in all that happens to you.

When the worst smacks you down just do what you know to do and know that God is faithful!

I rejoice this morning in the life of Danny Lee Poston and thank God for the remembrance of Him!

The road from my house to town is now closed because a bridge on the route is being removed and rebuilt so I have to take some back roads to get into my home town of Livingston.

Last Saturday morning I was driving one of those little back roads when I noticed this field of mums that are for sale. See the picture below….

Just a few days previous to Saturday I passed by this same field of mums and hardly even one mum was bloomed out. The thoughts for this blog rapidly began to swirl through my head.

I haven’t written a blog since Mother’s Day weekend and felt just dry and non inspired. A lot of people do not realize that you cannot just sit down and write a blog. I feel the words have to be inspired and come to you in your spirit before you can write them.

As I looked at this field of mums I wondered what had dried up my inspiration so much lately. The mums looked dried up before but now with some cooler temps and a little rain they are gorgeous!

The thought just hit me as I was driving. The pandemic and covid is what has dried up my spirit! I have felt isolated and lonely and miss my grandchildren terribly. The world as we all know it has come to a screeching halt and it seems that people everywhere are in a bad mood and irritable, eating too much, staying up too late, working from home, home schooling, virtual learning, missing church or whatever! Nothing appears normal!

I began to think about the mums and how the hotness of the sun, the dryness of the air had kept them from being their beautiful self. I compared that to our pandemic and how the isolation, the too much free time on our hands, the irritability all around us and the lack of love was doing the very same thing to us humans as the weather had been doing to these mums.

As I drove on into town that Saturday morning I went through the drive through at the Dairy Queen to get my husband and I a biscuit and I saw this and this……….

Another part of this blog began to form. Our local Dairy Queen has put out a glorious fall scene for years and years and it always touches me. The owner probably doesn’t even realize how much it lifted my spirits that morning. I know that his business on the inside had slowed down quite a bit because of Covid but as I rounded the drive through he has come up with a new plan and the food travels down this little conveyor belt and you pick it up out of this automatic window. Instead of sitting on his do nothing and worrying about his business the owner decided to try something new. How inventive!

I thought back to the field of mums again and how the coldness of the weather and the rain had caused them to really blossom. Of course you say that is how mums are supposed to do but God showed me in that simple lesson that we humans are also made to withstand the cold and the rain of life and come out more glorious than ever!

Here is something I read today and how very true that it is:

Let us please remember to be kind, to know that we will get through this pandemic, to pray for the families that fall victim to the virus, to fill our time with things that are good and pure and stop arguing over politics, masks, or whatever. Let us rise above it all and bloom with glory where we are planted!